Adjusting to The Elder Zone Part One
We all know that, unless something weird happens, like someone murders you or you contract an unexpected virus that escaped from a lab in China, you are going to grow old in fits and starts and DIE.
In the meantime, you will go through The Elder Zone, which is similar to The Twilight Zone, but Rod Serling will not show up for the final scene.
Everyone enters The Elder Zone at a different time, but if you are lucky enough to live long enough, you will get there.
My opinion is that no matter how fit and healthy you are, if you have passed 70, you are probably already there.
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Entering The Elder Zone requires you to change the way you have been living for most of your life and develop a “new normal.”
You must be aware of that and acknowledge it.
That’s rule number one.
If you are seventy-five and believe you are still fifty, get some help because you are delusional.
You may be a nice person, but you are a seventy-five-year-old nice person, not a fifty-year-old nice person.
Big difference!
You must acknowledge that and make some adjustments to your lifestyle.
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I have spent almost seven years in The Elder Zone.
Here are some tips based on my experience.
Because I know your time is valuable (and your attention span is limited), I will break this topic up into separate installments.
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1. Your outer world changes.
a. You will become more cautious about driving at night.
Many of you may believe that older people are more likely to be involved in auto collisions than younger people.
Statistically, that is incorrect.
Younger people (teens to their twenties) crash their cars more often because of inexperience and alcohol.
The elderly don’t crash as much, but night driving is more challenging for them because vision usually diminishes starting at around age 60.
Older people are usually wiser than younger ones; they recognize the increased risk of driving and either stay home or take an Uber, especially if it’s Texas-OU weekend.
Remember, it did not work for Tiger Woods or Justin Timberlake, and they are not even in The Elder Zone!
b. Take advantage of handicapped parking, if you can.
You will get to the point where every step is a potential fall; the fewer your steps, the lower your risk.
I don’t need to tell you how many ways falls are bad.
If you qualify for handicapped parking, use it!
c. Purpose may be harder to find.
For most of your life, purpose was an easy issue.
You went to school.
You followed the rules (if you are currently incarcerated, never mind that one).
You got a job, married well, or inherited young (one of the worst things that can happen to a person, almost as bad as winning the lottery).
You raised your kids (except for the one who keeps moving in and out).
Then, one day, after you earned your degrees and what seemed like memorable distinctions, no one cared about any of that.
No one wanted to hire you.
Your kids were too busy for you.
The rules you used to follow no longer apply.
You find yourself in an “existential vacuum.”
What is your purpose now?
How long do you think you have left?
If you have another 10-20 years, how will you spend them?
The Elder Zone requires this sort of soul-searching reexamination.
Will you join the community table at the retirement facility for meals or eat alone again?
Someone invited you to play a “board game.”
All you remember about board games is that if you are unlucky, you may go to jail, you will not pass “Go,” and you will not collect $200.
What to do?
d. Aisles at grocery stores grow longer.
What used to be an effortless stroll from the front of the store to the cheese at the back now seems daunting to the point of discouraging your lifelong love of Baby Swiss.
e. Cats who were once your friends become dangerous obstacles.
I live with three cats, so this issue is very personal to me.
If you own cats, you need to know that, for whatever strange reason, cats hate doors to be closed.
When my cats were younger, if one got locked in a closet, I would know because the others would sit outside the door until some stupid human paid attention.
I have solved that problem.
All of the doors inside my house stay open.
While I was acquiring this wisdom, I experienced one of the worst falls I ever had,
I went to the bathroom at 3:00 a.m. (doesn’t everyone?), and for some stupid reason, I closed the bathroom door.
I came out.
It was dark – no night light – and all three were right there, no way to avoid stumbling over them.
Cats also have this funny thing they do where they walk in front of you and then flop down.
I love them, but watch out for cats at night!
2. Your body changes
a. Brain
Don’t trust “cognitive tests.”
You're smarter than they think you are.
Whenever anyone asks me to take a cognitive test, I look them right in the eye and tell them, “If you can beat me at a game of chess, I will take your test.”
I’m not that good of a chess player, but they don’t know that, and it intimidates them, so you will not have to draw any clocks or remember a bunch of words that have no association with one another.
To prove what?
b. Vision
Don’t believe eye doctors who tell you that you will have perfect vision after cataract surgery. That is a half-truth. You will, but it only lasts about a month.
If the small print seems to keep getting smaller, try a “magnifier,” an inexpensive little device about the size of a book page.
Kindles also make reading easier on the eyes.
If you would rather listen than read, “Audible” will be happy to help you.
“Chirp” is probably less expensive.
c. You’re not as young (and strong) as you used to be.[1]
An old high school classmate of mine just died because of an injury playing pickleball. He was about 75 and a lifelong athlete.
Be realistic!
The real pearl here is: don’t take unnecessary risks.
d. You have to look at a rollator the way you used to look at a new Mustang.
If you need one, use it.
Dress it up with pin stripes.
Challenge your friends to races on the weekends.
e. Some days, everything hurts.
While pain isn’t an inevitable part of aging, it’s very common later in life, affecting 45% to 85% of older adults.[2]
f. Doctors don’t have all the answers.
But they will give you fifteen minutes to misdiagnose you.
If you see a doctor, write down your questions ahead of your appointment.
Hand them the questions when you walk in.
I bet you nine times out of ten, they will still not answer all of them.
Doctors love to refer you to other doctors.
g. Use one hand for carrying stuff, the other for balance.
Don’t believe me?
You will.
In future installments:
1. Modifying Your House
2. Your Dead and Living Friends
3. Mortality becomes more obvious
4. Financial issues in The Elder Zone
5. You are now a sage.[3]
Act like one!
Try to remember that no matter what your political affiliation or religion, you are still a citizen of the world.
If you are not in The Elder Zone, be compassionate to those who are.
One day, you might be pushing your own rollator.
[1] If you think this section is repetitive, you are correct. The Elder Zone allows for such imprecision. It also allows you to start a story, then forget the point and the ending, not to mention the names of people you have known for years!
[2] Rachel Ann Melegrito (Nifty 50+), February 10, 2026.
[3] Please read, From Age-ing to Sage-ing by Zalman Schachter-Shalomi and Ronald S. Miller (1995, updated 2014).