Autonomy
I don't believe in magic.
I don't believe in I-ching.
I don't believe in Bible.
I don't believe in Tarot.
I don't believe in Hitler.
I don't believe in Jesus.
I don't believe in Kennedy.
I don't believe in Buddha.
I don't believe in Mantra.
I don't believe in Gita.
I don't believe in Yoga.
I don't believe in Kings.
I don't believe in Elvis.
I don't believe in Zimmerman.
I don't believe in Beatles.
I just believe in me, Yoko, and me, and that's reality.
John Lennon
*
You were born as an “authentic-autonomous[1] self.”
They didn’t even give you a chance to take a look around.
You were hungry.
Someone snapped your umbilical cord and left you totally independent but also totally dependent on this being called “mother.”
This was your first lesson that life is full of paradoxes.
*
In the blink of an eye, you were hearing “Good boy,” “Good girl,” “Bad boy,” or “Bad girl.”
Adults coopted your autonomy and shaped it according to their values.
Their “authentic” became your authentic.
Take a moment and reflect on your earliest memories and how your parents shaped you.
Some of us whined and complained, but few had the grit to really buck the system.
And, why, anyway?
It was a good system.
Right?
Our parents told us so, and we had no reason to doubt them (and they had power over us) – until we became teenagers.
I knew my authentic-autonomous self had taken a quantum leap the first time I heard someone say, “Don’t bogart that joint
*
In our earliest, formative years, some parents were strict, some were lax, some were attentive, some were drunk, and some never showed up when they were supposed to because they were too caught up in their own stuff.
Nevertheless, they shaped us, took over our autonomy until their values became embedded in our unconscious minds.
The system was relatively simple: our caretakers (shapers) would reward good behavior and punish bad.
We could call this “traditional domestication.”[2]
It’s been going on since Adam and Eve.
*
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT FRUIT FROM THAT TREE!”
“But, God, I was hungry, and all she did was offer me a piece of fruit from one of your trees, and the snake said it was okay, and he has been in this garden a lot longer than we have.
Now, we not only have to wear fig leaves to hide our private parts, but we also get kicked out of the house and have to fend for ourselves?
And I’m still hungry!”
It didn’t seem fair, but we were powerless
It could have been worse, though.
God sentenced the snake to spend the rest of eternity crawling on his belly in the dirt.
“THIS IS HOW YOU LEARN!”
*
After a few basic life lessons, our caretakers sent us to the next level of autonomy shaping: schools.
Schools reinforced the good/bad behavior program so that our original authentic-autonomous selves got hammered into something different - manufactured by the Parent-State.
But their system was not foolproof.
There were too many of us who valued our autonomy, even if we did not know what it was.
They maligned us with childish names like “hippies,” “rebels,” and “free thinkers.”
*
We can represent the extent to which we are “autonomous free agents” on a spectrum
Some of us tend to be on an extreme end of the autonomy spectrum.
John Lennon was one.
Others, however, find that autonomy is a burden.
The existentialists called this burden “angst.”
Autonomous free agents have to decide everything themselves.
Their own guiding principles are the ones they create.
Since life requires many decisions where guiding principles come in handy, creating one’s own can be a job and a half.
What to do?
*
To meet this demand, people entered the shortcut business.
They created guidebooks such as Epictetus’ Enchiridion, the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the Dhammapada, and the Koran.
Guidebooks on how to live your life became big business and still are.
Don’t think.
Give your autonomy to Jesus or
*
I had a friend who is a Scientologist.
Originally, he was “Randy.”[3]
Later, he gave up a good portion of his original autonomy and became “Scientologist Randy.”
Randy liked being a Scientologist because Scientology “answered all of his questions.”
I heard a similar story about Cat Stevens, the great singer/songwriter from the 60s.
He read the Koran, and “it answered all his questions.”
Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world.
Scientologist Randy and Cat Stevens gave up big chunks of their autonomy.
Instead of answering life’s big questions themselves, they bought the book.
*
This happens in so many ways in our culture.
We give up some of our autonomy when we marry, when we work for certain businesses, when we join lodges and clubs, when we paint our faces to support “our team.”
Doesn’t it feel good to have a team?
Some people who will tell you what to feel, how to act, and when to paint your face?
The early Masons certainly gave up their rights as free agents to live by the Masonic creed, all the way to planning Washington, D.C., and embossing their symbols on our currency.
John gave his away to Paul, and then to Yoko, and then to heroin.
*
To me, there is an irony in John’s song,[4] coming from one of the most codependent artists since Marilyn Monroe.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, however, the song is a self-reflection.
Lennon was like a Buddhist monk who had given up all desires except one.
Still, he could not help but enmesh with people.
When he did, he always gave up a portion of his autonomy.
That leaves us with many more Lennon-McCartney songs and fewer by John Lennon.
*
This is your life.
You can write your own script or follow someone else’s.
Never forget.
Your authentic autonomy may be shaped for you most of your life, but how you live within those parameters is your choice.
Guard your autonomy carefully, especially when someone offers you a pretty red cap that says “Make America Great Again.”
Take it, and you will give up a portion of your autonomy.
Once we convince ourselves that it is the right thing to do, changing our minds can be daunting.
*
If you feel like surrendering your autonomy, pause and remember the wisdom of Groucho:
I don't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.
[1] The distinction between authentic and autonomous can be a mind bender. Think about it, but give me some latitude if I conflate them.
[2] I borrow the word “domestication” from Don Miguel Ruiz. If you have not read The Four Agreements, now is as good a time as any.
[3] That was not his real name. I can’ prove it, but I’m pretty sure that all Scientologists have Anglo names.
[4] “God.”