Know Thyself, Hermit!

Proverbs (9:10 and 1:7) teaches us that “fear of the Lord” is the beginning of wisdom.

I don’t subscribe to fear-based wisdom.

I’m more inclined to align with the Greeks.

Socrates prescribed “know thyself,” and “the unexamined life is not worth living.”

For the Greeks, self-knowledge lays the yellow brick road to wisdom.

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If that doesn’t work, try the “fear of the Lord” method.

Can’t hurt and might help.

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As a coach, I help people find their purpose (or mission) in life.

A critical component to discovering one’s mission is self-knowledge.

I tell my clients that this may come after years of cognitive struggle, or life may thrust it on you.

If you have a child with cancer, you know what I mean.

You didn’t work for it.

You didn’t ask for it.

But there it is: your mission is now to do whatever it takes to save your child.

I recently discovered my personal mission in a most unusual way.

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I had a lady-friend with whom I had been spending time recently.

I thought things were going well.

Labor Day was approaching.

I boldly suggested that we spend some extra time together for the holiday.

I walked into a sharp left hook.

“You’re a hermit! I want to go out and do something. Who would want to spend a holiday with a hermit?”

I did not take her comment as “just teasing.”

I was thankful she did not add, “and you are boring and your feet stink,” which may be true (although, as far as I knew, she never evaluated my foot odor).

That explained the many other rejections I had suffered at her hands during a time when she professed her undying love for me.

“I love you madly, but I would rather be somewhere else with someone else.”

Sigh!

I don’t blame her.

I simply began to question her self-knowledge.

She “loved” me, but not T-H-A-T much, to borrow a phrase from negotiation expert Herb Cohen.

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My path as a hermit-in-training began as an only child whose parents were at war daily, leaving me alone.

Weekends were spent with a stack of comics in my room and a bag of Chips Ahoy.

That evolved to eschewing keg parties in favor of Saturday nights at the school library.

Later came law school.

My nose was in a book or up against a computer screen ever since, and still is.

Old habits die hard.

To make matters worse, I was in a car accident a few years back that wrecked my back worse than my car.

If you are looking for a dance partner, it's best to select someone else.

My friend’s rejection bruised me, but instead of sulking, I decided to use this as a learning experience.[1]

How could I not be a hermit?

Being a good Stoic, I reframed “being a hermit” from “socially awkward” to a badge of honor.

I am a hermit, damn it!

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Hermits have a long and proud history.

Swiss psychologist Carl Jung equated the hermit with the sage, someone who retreats from society “to gain self-knowledge and insight.”

Jesus spent 40 days in solitude.

Isaac Newton made some of his groundbreaking discoveries in physics and mathematics at age 23, when he was forced into solitude because the bubonic plague forced Cambridge University to close.

This period is known as Newton’s “year of wonders.”

J.D. Salinger, a well-known hermit, used his solitude to produce Catcher in the Rye.

Buddha spent six years meditating and doing spiritual exercises to reach enlightenment.

Leonard Cohen spent at least a month every year at Mount Baldy Zen Center in California.

During this time, he took the name “Jikan,” which means “silence” in Japanese.

There have been times in history when hermits were universally revered, as they still are in parts of India and around the Himalayas.

People have always sought solitude to escape the noise and chaos of “normal life.”

Silence allows the nervous system to heal.

For those of us who grew up in turbulent childhoods, solitude is a therapeutic escape.

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Allow me a moment to digress and point out some important distinctions.

A lot of ink has been spilled recently about social isolation, which allegedly can lead to a plethora of problems.

Then there is its cousin loneliness, the genesis of many a blues song.

Solitude is different.

Solitude is voluntary.

Solitude is not about ruminating on how much of life you are missing out on, but rather it’s about finding time for flow and intentional creativity.

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My mission in life has changed.

Hell yes, I am a hermit!

I will now spend the remainder of my years fighting against hermit-bias and for everyone’s right to solitude.

I am starting with “Be Kind to Hermits Week.”

What if we can’t help it?

Wouldn’t a measure of empathy be more constructive than criticism and scorn?

I may be a hermit, but I know who I am, and I am determined to be a good one!

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I spent Labor Day alone at peace and thankful for my epiphany.

I have no idea what she did, but whatever it was, I hope it led to greater self-awareness.

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What is your mission? 

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Drilling Down 

·     The Freedom of Being Alone by Jordan Stills (2025).

·     Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by Cacioppo and Patrick (2008).

·     Migrations to Solitude by Sue Halpern (1992).

·     How to be Alone by Sue Maitland (2014).

·     The Book of Hermits: A History of Hermits from Antiquity to the Present by Robert Rodriguez (2021).

·     Hermits: the insights of solitude by Peter France (1996).

·     The Contemplative Life: a new guide for personal growth and extended awareness by Joel Goldsmith (1963).

·     Loners: Writers, Thinkers, and Solitude by Frank B. Farrell (2024)

Yours truly,

THE HERMIT

[1] I try to live by Don Miguel Ruiz’s creed of “Don’t take it personally.” Then, I take it personally!